3. Dedicate something in your pet’s name and memory.
Donations
to worthy caused are good. Usually gifts that require a plaque or
permanent label give great satisfaction. If your pet was a show animal,
then donating a memorial trophy to a pet club is very satisfying.
Most humane organizations will appreciate a donation in your pet’s
name and memory.
4. It is not too late to say something to your deceased pet.
Over
a period of time, make a list of all the loving memories you have of
your pet. Constantly amend this list. Then write a letter to your
pet, remembering all these intimate smiles and tears. Keep this as
part of your loving good-bye in this life.
5. Make an audio recording of yourself, reading these memories
and saying whatever emotional, private things you feel like adding.
Listen
to it a few time during your mourning, and add to it whenever it
feels right. Keep this as a permanent part of your personal memorial
to your beloved pet. You may be surprised at how effective this is
when you play it back years later.
6. Establish new routines.
Change or vary the old ones. (We fall
into the usual emotional responses when we follow old patterns.)
Do things in a changed order as soon as you get up in the morning.
At home, try sitting in a different chair or place on the couch.
Rearrange your furniture. Work, shop, mediate, attend social functions,
walk, jog, run, and partake in social events, sports or concerts
with other people.
Most importantly, start meeting with people again. Avoid being alone
too often. Attend pet bereavement support groups. Regular exercise
helps reduce depression.
7. Invite friends, relatives, or good neighbors to visit you in your
home.
Visit with other pet owners and their pets. Return (with company?)
to some of the sites you shared with your pet. This will help you
accept how separate the past is from the present. You can keep your
memories without distorting your experiences, now and in the future.
As time goes on, this will become easier.
8. Treat yourself to things you would have liked, but
couldn’t
or wouldn’t do before.
Imagine your pet’s spirit advising
you how to ease your pain. Do some enjoyable things with your pet’s
blessing. Certainly, you deserve it. As soon as you can, go \seriously
consider relocating or changing your job.
9. Avoid keeping visible reminders of your grief.
Remove most, if not all, of your
pet’s toys and other things you may wish to keep as mementos.
If you can’t throw them out yet, then put them out of sight
in a drawer or in a box in a closet.
Don’t make it harder for yourself to recover. Mourning can
be a health transition only if you don’t try to punish yourself
in its expression. Don’t hide from your memories and strong
feelings. Tell them to people who understand, but don’t get
morbid. Find out where they are in your area, and go to pet bereavement
group support sessions.
10. As soon as you can, talk to your veterinarian.
Make a list, in
advance of any questions or any doubts you may have about your pet’s
death. This will prevent forgetting items while you are experiencing
strong emotions. It should clear up any possible doubt about everything.
Such a meeting should have be warm and informational. Do not abuse
it as a means to get at your pet’s doctor. This will also help
you to avoid placing unreasonable anger or blame on the veterinarian
later. Ask his or her advice, explaining what your bereavement has
been like so far. Veterinarians have had considerable experience
with other clients who have been through this, and may be able to
offer you some practical information as well. Usually, most veterinarians
try to stay clear of individual bereavements unless they are asked
for advice.
11. Unless there is an emergency, avoid administration of euthanasia
on special calendar dates that could be upsetting in the future.
Prevent yourself from linking bad associations with good ones.
12. Understand and respect your own mourning.
If your grief is intense,
take some time off from work. Tell your employer that there has been
a death in your immediate family. This is certainly true. Most employers
provide a specific brief leave for this. Don’t try to explain
or give excuses. Even if you are prodded to say who died, you don’t
have to tell. Be firm and insistent, but not confrontational. Assert
yourself at this time. You deserve it. If you can’t get any
time off, at least you tried. Most likely, you will be respected
for this, not criticized.
13. When you are ready, visit an animal shelter to look
around, not adopt.
You have to be firm with yourself about this. It will help
you in many ways if you write down your feelings after this visit,
and read them again later. What new thoughts are stimulated by the
visit? Don’t give in to any sudden impulses to adopt on the
spot any animals you saw there. If such a response remains with you,
go back a second time, and see if you still feel the same way. With
such feelings, maybe the time is now right.
14. Hold some sort of private service for your beloved pet.
You will
keep good, permanent remembrances of this. Only friends and family
who appreciate such a ceremony should be invited. Children definitely
should be helped to feel they are a basic part of the family in planning
and carrying out such a ceremony. This is a very positive activity
that has proven to be one of the healthiest beginnings of the mourning
process. Such a private service will help you understand your underlying
feelings, with a dignity and pride you probably couldn’t have
appreciated before.
It need not be of any traditional religious nature. Its purpose is to express
your personal spiritual values in a loving retrospective. A few personal words
from each person present, followed by your eulogy, should be sufficient. This
is up to you. This will almost assuredly get you started through the worst parts
of your grief and healing process. Even if you are the only person present, such
a ceremony will enrich you and your loving memories.
15. Keep a daily log or journal.
List your major thoughts and feelings, but keep
it brief. If you feel you want to write at length on the subject, do it separately.
Perhaps that could be the basis for an interesting magazine article, essay or
short story. Once each day’s log is entered, don’t change anything.
Such a journal will become a treasured part of your memorial to your pet. It
will also be of great personal value to you in gaining insight and objectivity
into your own thoughts and feelings.
16. Make a list of the things your pet did that used to make you laugh
or smile.Add to it as often as you can, even if it takes weeks. Review the items. When
you can share these good memories, laughs and tears, read the list to someone
who knew the pet and has been supportive during your mourning.
This positive oasis of loving smiles during your bereavement is part of your
healing. It is good medicine. Despite dome tears, you will be happier and stronger
after each reading of the list. Put it away and keep it forever, along with photographs
and other memorabilia that you treasure.
From the book, The Loss Of A Pet by Wallace Sife, Ph.D. |
